Thursday, December 22, 2011

Nerd Alert


Luke just turned seven last month and the kid is already breaking balls like a pro.  This past weekend he roasted me with not one, but two well-timed zingers about my, <ahem>...interest in gadgets and computers.  The first was in the car, as we were on our way to Best Buy to pick up some Christmas gifts.

Luke: C'mon Dad, I don't wanna go to Best Buy. It's so boring!
Me: What? You gotta be kidding. It's cool there!
Luke: No way. We have to look at all those electronics.  Really?
Me: Yeah. That stuff is cool!
Luke: Yeah, you probably think so because you're a nerd.

This was followed by lots of giggling, including little Maya who didn't even know why she was laughing.  Whatever.
Later over lunch, after I had all but forgotten about the first assault I was hit with another gem. Observe how he expertly walks me into this, playing the innocent child asking Daddy about the world. Laying the bait by getting me to think he is interested in higher education and how "smart" I must be.  Then...boom.

Luke: Dad, what kind of classes do you take in college?
Me: Well, you get to take a whole bunch of different classes so you can learn about a lot of different stuff.
Luke: Right, but like what did you take more of?  You know, what did you take a lot of to learn about?
Me: Oh, me? I took a lot of computer classes.
Luke: Nerd.

I gotta hand it to him. It really was a well-constructed joke.  Love that kid.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Princess Badass

Maya is definitely a girly girl.  She loves to toddle around with her princess dresses, jewelry and dolls.  But when you have two big brothers, sometimes you have to kick a little ass.


Princess by day.  Assassin by night.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

All I Want for Christmas is ...



Luke and Bella both yanked a tooth today (Bella's first!). Luke's was first, then Bella disappeared into the bathroom to do a little self-extraction.

These two really do do everything together.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Thursday, November 24, 2011

thanks

...for her beauty, patience, many talents and boundless love.

...for his relentless energy, moppy hair and daily hugs.

...for his sensitivity, imagination and silliness.

...for her dancing, her dimples and the diapers I am almost done changing (FOREVER!).

...for his gentle nature, protectiveness and that lethal, constantly wagging tail.

For grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and family who help more than they know.

For friends old and new who engage, respond, reach out, and make me laugh, cry and think.

Oh, and for Tapatío Doritos.

 

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Wednesday Afternoon Quarterback


Three days ago we celebrated Max's 10th birthday by having a flag football fiesta in the park with seventeen 4th grade boys.  I had such a great time and the boys were such a crack-up, I wanted to share some of the highlights.

Heather of course expertly planned, organized and orchestrated all of the party arrangements (much like she does in our daily lives), but it was up to me to run the football game. Fortunately I had Grandpa and Uncle Mark there to assist.  We outfitted the boys in flags and eye black, with whistles for us big boys.  

We split up into teams, with Mark and I each starting at quarterback for one of them while Grandpa played referee.  I had planned to go easy on the kids, but my instincts as an elite athlete took over once I lined up under center.  It was so on.  I was flinging it around the park like Brett Favre in a Wrangler commercial.  In fact, I briefly considered texting a picture of my junk to Heather because I've read that is what great quarterbacks do.  But it was a kids party. And I think she's tired of me sending those pics anyway.  Two things became clear very quickly on that opening drive.  First, the boys are very up to speed on football vocabulary and really think they know ALL of the rules (more on this later).  Second, 4th-graders kind of suck at catching footballs.  My stat line on the opening drive: 4 attempts, 0 completions, 1 interception.

Mark's first drive yielded similar results (INT) as did my second possession in which I once again failed to complete a pass.  In my defense, my boys were dropping some beautiful balls.  Of course, during each and every huddle I had 8 kids yelling how awesome they are at catching, each emphatically diagramming their route on their hand and telling me how open they were on the previous play.  It was wonderfully chaotic.
They were all "wide open" here.
Mark and I finally "decided" to get out of the way and let the boys QB for themselves (ok, I was benched) as we took over refereeing duties from Grandpa.  I kid you not, on the very first play after I stepped out, my team completed a touchdown pass.  It was such bullshit.

Ref duty was good comedy.  After each play, someone was yelling at us with various calls demonstrating their mastery of football terminology.  "Pass Interference!"  "Unnecessary Roughness!"  There were alleged offsides, false starts, and illegal use of hands.  Someone even lobbied for an "Excessive Celebration" flag. Thank goodness we had whistles.  Those magical whistles worked to focus them back up and move on to the next play.  I'm going to start using one in the house at bed time.
Right before halftime (pizza break), my team was down by 3 touchdowns and I decided I needed to get back in there and rally the troops.  On 3rd down I shoved some kid aside and said I was taking the snap. I completed a pass that got us to about the 2-yard line.  4th and goal.  I huddled the team up and said, "We've really got to punch this one in, guys. Get open and I'll find someone in the end zone."  You could really feel it, we were having a moment.  A score here going into halftime means we're right back in this.  I set up in the shotgun with the seldom-used Trips Left and Trips Right formation.  What happened after the snap is kind of a blur.  But if Al Michaels would have been there calling the game, the play might have sounded something like this:

"He fumbled the snap!  I can't believe that loser fumbled the snap on 4th and goal!  Who let this guy in the game?  His teammates are really yelling at him, really letting him have it!  And now the opposing team is dog-piling on him and laughing!"  

I seriously fumbled the stupid snap.  And as I crumbled in shame, Max and the guys from the other team did pile on laughing and thanking me.  It was a bewildering mix of feeling like the biggest idiot and the coolest Dad all at the same time.  

I was benched again for most of the second half. My team did draw within two TDs late though.  As time was getting short, a few of the guys yelled over to me on the sideline and said, "Mr. Jason! We need you to QB for us again!  We need some scores!"  In that instant, my pride and ego was restored.  My team needed me.  In the very next instant, I mean less than a second later...another teammate behind me (a 10-year-old mind you) mutters this under his breath.  Not quite softly enough for me not to hear:

"Dude, have you seen his completion percentage?"

I was this close to demonstrating a new football term for him to add to his vocabulary.  But learning first-hand about the "clothesline" would probably have ruined the party.


More pics at http://on.fb.me/vTSrzZ

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Princess Maya's 3rd Birthday


Princess Maya held court over a heck of a party tonight. I've never seen so many dolls, purses, tiaras and all other things pink. She loved it.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween 2011

Trick or treating in Grandma's neighborhood. Plenty of sugar for everyone.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Legos for Life



"Dad, for me Legos are never going to get old. When I'm a grownup and I have a son or a daughter, and they want to play Legos, they can use some of mine."

-Luke (October 23, 2011 - age 6)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

14 Years Ago Today

If you're not in this picture, you missed a great party. But it's not too late to get us a wedding gift.


Happy 14th anniversary to my favorite person in the world.  Having you on my arm is a constant reminder that I am doing something right.  And it really gives others the impression that I have my shit together.  Loving you still and always.
-j

Thursday, August 11, 2011

OB Pier Jump 2011

Extremely proud of Max tonight.  He took a big step today.  Off the OB Pier as part of the Junior Lifeguard program...

The rest of the photos are here.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Friday, July 1, 2011

Easy as 1-2-3


With any luck, the boys will have this memorized by the time they're ready to go to college.  She probably should have specified to use soap in Step #3 there...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

40th Birthday Surprise in Vegas




Great time, good laughs. Thanks again guys for making the time and enduring 8+ hours in a car with Ken. I'll never forget such a great gift. Many of you other dudes were there in spirit, as we cracked up, shared stories, and reminded each other of our general jackassery over the years.And thanks to Heather for setting it all up and partying with me that 2nd night until the sun came up. YOU are the best honey, and I'm glad I talked you out of getting that Mike Tyson face tattoo.
(Eric, you should've taken that shot...)

Friday, May 27, 2011

10 Years Since Ironman

Ironman01
I can't believe it has been almost exactly TEN years since I ran with watched Mark in the Ironman Triathlon. I remember because I had just turned thirty.  No kids yet, no house, Shaq &amp; Kobe were still collecting rings together and I still had only one chin.
In honor of that anniversary, I threw together a little video footage that I had never done anything with before and pulled out the old email I had written recapping the event.  That certainly was a hell of a day.









Date: Tuesday, 22 May, 2001, 12:10 AM

Mark & the crew,
If I may, I'd like to chime in with an as yet untold perspective on the Ironman Triathlon I witnessed on Saturday.  The perspective of the out-of-shape underachieving spectator (A.K.A. Mark's bro-in-law).

Saturday, May 21, 2011

8-Clap


8-Clap.m4v Watch on Posterous
Beck is always ready to lead an 8-clap. Even in a restaurant on a Friday night for no particular reason.
Salty language included at no extra charge.

Great Celebration Last Night

P158

Friday, March 25, 2011

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Globetrotters

Had fun with the kids last night watching the Globies.  It's a good show.
Img_1626

GlobetrottersS.m4v Watch on Posterous

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Diego

This is the only video footage I had of Diego. I wanted to do something clever with it, but it wasn't really coming together until I started looking at it from his point of view.


DiegoTricks.mp4 Watch on Posterous
Diego, you had a lot of us "trained" well and the Jasners are going to miss you. You're the most well-traveled dog I ever knew, and thanks for taking such good care of your parents for so long. I hope this little video puts a smile on their faces.